self-compassion | Live, Lift, Eat

I’m not talking about keeping up in terms of materialistic things, money, or things like that. Rather, lately I’ve definitely been thinking about how hard it is to keep up with the big-time content producers on social media (e.g., blogs, twitter, facebook, and so forth).

A part of the problem is that I still feel like I’m in a transition mode: I’m temporarily staying with family until my full-time position starts, I’m in a temporary admin gig, and I’m commuting to that gig at least 2.5 hours a day. This is extremely different that my life just about a month ago, especially the part where I had time and energy to consistently get a good workout in (so important to me!), let alone write/blog. I am also still trying to figure out how much I want to be “out” there in the social media world. Navigating as a mental health professional and wanting to maintain some anonymity because of the nature of my work is also another problem.

A part of me criticizes myself and calls me “lazy” and “not good enough.” Too lazy to get up early to go work out. Too lazy to spend some time to come up with some really great content. Not good enough or smart enough to come up with interesting stuff. And then I have to remind myself to be compassionate with myself…that it’s ok. The world isn’t going to end and I’m still making choices that are consistent with my values. Like getting more sleep and rest to take care of my body, instead of pushing it to work out and fatigue my body even more. Being thoughtful about what I actually do write about (e.g., things that are important or inspiring to me, rather than just any old topic). Or spending time hanging out with the fiance rather than being on the computer (after being on the computer for work for 7+ hours).

That being said, time for date night!

Have a great weekend!

Any tips on how to navigate the professional and social media world? Or how to fight fatigue to come up with some good content?

Image Credit: http://www.verybestquotes.com

In my last post, I wrote about the elusive chase of happiness and the cost of staying stuck in the chase. So if happiness is not the (only) end goal, what is? One end goal that I propose is compassion (including self-compassion).

What is compassion? The word compassion literally means “to suffer with.” According to Dr. Kristin Neff, a self-compassion researcher and expert, compassion is comprised of mindfulness (i.e., noticing that others are suffering), feeling “warmth, caring, and the desire to help the suffering person in some way,” offering kindness and nonjudgmental attitudes, and understanding that suffering is a ubiquitous human experience. Self-compassion is comprised of the same elements, but directed towards the self: noticing that you’re experiencing something difficult, saying or doing kind things for yourself, and knowing that you’re not alone in your struggles.

It’s not easy to be compassionate towards ourselves, for a variety of reasons. Maybe you’ve been told all your life that you’re not good enough, not pretty enough, not X enough. Maybe you’ve made mistakes in the past and can’t or won’t forgive yourself. Whatever the reason, non-compassion can lead to, at the very worst case scenario, self-destruction (e.g., not taking care of your body, letting others take advantage of you, substance abuse, etc).

So how do you start treating yourself with compassion? One way is to start practicing mindfulness, as mindfulness is one of the elements to compassion. What exactly is mindfulness? It is a nonjudgmental awareness of what is happening in the here and now- so focusing on your present moment experiences, without judgment. Start by spending a few minutes each day being mindful, then build up to longer periods of time, if you wish. You can do a mindfulness meditation practice or you can simply notice what’s happening in your experience. For example, as you’re eating, notice the taste, textures, and smells of the food. As you’re walking, notice how your feet feel as you hit the ground, how the wind or sun feels on your face, describe the scenery. And if your attention goes elsewhere, acknowledge that your thoughts went elsewhere, tell yourself, “it’s ok, I caught it,” and just go back to what you were noticing. The key to mindfulness is that you approach your experiences with compassion, rather than judgment. The more that you get used to being compassionate with yourself, the more integrated self-compassion will be in your life.

You can also start practicing deliberate acts of kindness towards yourself, even if you feel like you don’t deserve it, don’t have time, or whatever reasons your mind gives you. In fact, if you’re having a difficult time with self-care and self-nurture, schedule some time in your calendar for yourself and treat that appointment as you would any other. Make a list of activities that bring you pleasure and joy and do them. Allow yourself to take mini-escape. You deserve to take care of yourself and treat yourself with compassion!

What gets in the way of treating yourself with compassion? What are some ways you show yourself compassion?

Here are some links to compassion/loving-kindness mindfulness audio:

Dr. Kristin Neff’s website

Series on loving-kindness